Swimming

Guppy. The word kind of urks me just to write it down. But there it is. I was in the "guppy" stage of swimming lessons at the YMCA for. so. long. I asked my little self "what could possibly be wrong with my swimming that I can't just move to the next level? This isn't fair."
I still have absolutely no idea what kept me in that stage and what deemed me not good enough for the next stage. But when I noticed I was stuck it made me determined to get the heck out of guppy classes. I showed off, I paddled harder, I paid extra attention to the details of the way of swimming they were having us do. Eventually I graduated "Fish."
What I take back from this is that we need to recognize when we're stuck in something and not just feel like we will never get out of this rut. To get further we need to be determined and work extra hard. We need to pay attention to the lessons given to us.
This year I hope I learn to focus on my "lessons" in talking and confidence. I hope I work extra hard to be the best I can. I hope I work to be a better talker just like my younger self worked to be a better swimmer.

I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK!

Where am I?

I'm in a place where I don't know where I am exactly with Social Anxiety. Or What I need to do.
Or what to focus on in therapy.
I'm really feeling lost.
I know I need to control my feelings pre-period!! I'm really terrible sometimes.
I'm not as down as I was.
But I want to get better than this.
I'm not depressed-- but I DO need improvement in my life.
I want to be involved in other people's life for a change. -_-

Best visit ever!

I just had a... well just meaning like Thursday and today is Sunday almost Monday... anyways... I had wonderful meeting THURSDAY with my counselor/psychologist. It's been forever since she's seen me so the change caused by the medication was very apparent. I was excited to see her because I knew I'd be a lot different! And I was loads different. I was talking, and it was fabulous. :)
We had a good visit where I shared a letter I had written to my dad. A sad letter that made me cry because it's so-- hard. It's difficult that I think he won't ever try to get better so he could stop getting into so many anger outbursts. :( I also expressed my worry about my sister... who seems like me anxiety wise... and she's being bullied a little for her shyness. It was so helpful that I went. It cheered me up so much that she noticed how (well duh because it was pretty obvious) how I changed. I WAS TALKING.
I have a new interest in ASL. I learned only a few words.... but maybe my sister and I can learn. :) That'd be cool!

KONY "The Worst" 2012

FIGHT KONY=MAKE HIM FAMOUS. LET AMERICA AND WHEREVER YOU ARE KNOW THAT YOU AREN'T OKAY WITH KONY KIDNAPPING, HURTING, RAPING, ETC. YOUNG CHILDREN.

Thankful For...

-Friends! (not the show... the real people that I know.... lol)
-That my random bald spot is because I scratched too much NOT because I'm balding.
-Hunger Games (read the first book on the second)
-sock monkey. He's gorgeous.
-My technology...  :)
-Cinnamon candle!
-headband (to cover up bald spot)
-medication (because I feel good instead of *AHHHHH!*)
-stickers.
- my ear was in pain last week and it isn't anymore.
-pandora (My Adele station specifically.)/ Oldies yah!
-awesome classes.
-hope
-helpers.
-my niece is in (and her parents) the same state as meeee!
-I'm so loved.... and I understand it more now!!! :)
-I was about to write awesome classes again...
-going to the park/river friday.
-going to have a lovely weekend.... a healing weekend.
- time after class to sleep... yeah. I <3 naps.
-my mom <3
-my sisters
-my crazy brothers.
-my tub... I need a plug for it!
-I got new slippers recently they are the bomb.
-pinterest... lol.
-un pez, dos peces, pez rojo, pez azul (Spanish version of one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.)

-I need to thank God for all these blessings! Thank You, God. It's been a good semester so far. I'm so thankful for all I have. I'm so thankful that You are with me. I am not alone and Your grace is enough!

psychiatrist

Was awesome. :) I loved her accent. lol.
I am prescribed Prozac.
diagnosis:
Social phobia
PTSD
and Anxiety Disorder NOS

Nervous. I hope I have minimal side-effects. going to get it filled tomorrow.

Getting help

I'm currently going to the counseling center. I'm glad. I may have stared at the floor while I was talking (and sometimes not talking) but I'm glad. I'm also seeing a psychiatrist on Nov 7. Yep. I'm going to have to run to class when the appointment is over though.
And I called the counseling center flawlessly today. Little miss partially telephonophobic called an office today without hesitation. :)