I'm so sorry.
When you got picked on, I took that pain and made it HUGE. What was just kind of juvenile behavior from peers, I turned into vicious hatred. I have been messing with your reality. It is not okay. Taunting like "Mop-head" got turned into "you are ugly and you'll always be that way." When your dad gets angry and fuming, I put that impression of hatred in your head. I have with your sister, too.
No matter what they said, or I said through them, or I said to you- that hatred that you sense isn't really there. It's just me letting anxiety in.
All of the thoughts anxiety feeds you are lies. Here is the truth: You ARE worth it. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are a joy to be around. You are fabulous just the way you are. Don't let anxiety convince you otherwise ever again. Allow yourself to be you!
I want you to stop holding on to it! Put this 500 lb weight of anxiety you've been carrying down. It is truly what is ugly, stupid, horrid, and completely not worth it. Anxiety is unpleasant to be around and not funny.
Without anxiety- you'll be okay. Without anxiety there is more room for truth, happiness, peace, and love. Much better company than anxiety has been to you, and could ever be to you.
Sincerely,
:) Me/you.
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