If you really knew me....

If you really knew me
(great show on mtv... made me feel sooo relaxed somehow... anyways.)

If you really knew me....

you'd know that I avoid social situations everyday because they're uncomfortable/scary/nerve racking/ANT triggers.

you'd know that I hated moving schools. but I also hated being (pretty much) a loner at the previous school.

you'd know that I think people don't want me to comment/message/email them.

you'd know that I don't often say thank you to people opening doors for me, you'd also know why (refer to first one)

you'd know that I think people don't really want me going over and hanging out with them

you'd know that I think I'm a waste of people's time

you'd know that I'm afraid of people knowing what's inside because they'd make fun of me... or not understand and shrug it off.

you'd know that I like my switchfoot channel on pandora... and my beethoven one.

you'd know that I really want to be close to my new roommate this semester, but I'm crazy afraid she won't bother with me... and I'll be too afraid to bother either.

you'd know that presentations scare the crap out of me... and I think I sound like a freaking idiot when I do them.

you'd know that I was so happy to have a dinner with friends on wednesdays... and a bit disappointed (but I get it.) when school/responsibilities (of others) deteriorated those plans.

you'd know that I'm scared I'll be socially anxious forever.

you'd know that I like to write but don't always have ideas... or like the ideas.

you'd know that I like to swim.. haha. who doesn't? (rhetorical question's answer: phobics and those who just don't know how +other reasons)

You'd know how funny I am... and how self conscious I get when I think I'm over doing it.

you'd know that right as I'm writing this... I do not know how to drive...

you'd know when I want to go into a room I've never been in before I try to wait until other people walk through the door first.

OR I nervously go to the entrance... but walk past it (no one is walking in) until I let myself just gooo in.

OR I go to it... but turn right around and don't bother to go in.

you'd know that my first best friend later told me we "weren't best friends!"

I first noticed how scared I was to talk when my friend got a new best friend and all of the sudden I wasn't talking... just laughing...

you'd know I watched all of the "lost" seasons. I wish mr. eko didn't dieee so early in us getting to know him.

you'd know that I'm getting self-conscious about the length of this.

you'd know the one^ made me laugh.

You'd know that I sometimes think I look ugly, but not always.

You'd know that I really like PURPLE. and have many purple shirts.

You'd know that like when it rains but when the lightning comes I'm sad- I can't go outside. :( [I like going outside when it rains]

You'd know I both hate it and like it when people say "I like how quiet you are"

You'd know I have so much fun going into epiphany mode.

anndd I have so much sorrow when negative thoughts tear epiphany mode to shreds.

You'd know that I'm really feeling good right now, and will maybe continue this another time.

Continued a little
You'd know I cried last night on the floor thinking how useless I am...